Larasati Silalahi

Yang bener? Bukannya Letting go is NOT easy?

Hmm. Tergantung. Prinsip baru gw nih: “Letting go is easy when we have the right understanding of what’s not meant for us.”

Mungkin contoh yang paling gampang adalah soal pekerjaan ya. Misalnya, kita punya satu pekerjaan yang bisa dibilang cukup bagus posisinya, gaji OK, dan di mata orang (termasuk kita), it’s like the best job we could ever have. Tapi ternyata setelah dijalanin, somehow kita tau kalau pekerjaan itu ‘nggak kita’ banget. Dengan kata lain, dengan melulu ngejalanin keseharian dalam lingkup pekerjaan itu, kita menjadi pribadi yang nggak berkembang. Maksudnya, monoton. A total comfort zone.

Berapa banyak sih orang di muka bumi ini yang berani ninggalin comfort zone untuk pergi ke tempat baru yang lebih menantang? Nggak banyak. Karena memang ‘ngelepasin’ yang sudah bagus itu susah. Apalagi kalau hal itu dengan susah payah diraih. Well, just to make you feel better, I have done it. And I survived

Soal letting go ini berlaku dalam segala aspek kehidupan. Dalam pekerjaan, dalam berhubungan dengan teman, atau mungkin sama pasangan kita. Untuk bisa melepas seseorang untuk ‘move on’ seringkali nggak mudah, apalagi kalau orang itu terlihat sempurna di mata kita, atau mungkin sepertinya ‘nggak ada yang lain yang sekeren dia’. Oh, cmon!

Semua keluhan-keluhan itu bisa hilang kalau kita ngerti prinsipnya. Kenapa kita harus let go?

Kalau dengan pacaran sama kita, dia jadi orang yang tidak berkembang, tandanya harus let go.

Kalau dengan bekerja di tempat yang sama bertahun-tahun membuat kita nggak belajar lagi, tandanya harus let go.

Kalau dengan berteman dengan seseorang, kita jadi berubah ke arah yang nggak baik, mungkin tandanya harus let go.

Ingat, prinsipnya. Mengertilah dulu kenapa harus let go. Jadi kalau setelah ‘melepas’, lalu banyak bermunculan pendapat orang, kita nggak akan jadi goyah dan plin plan, karena kita TAU BENAR, kenapa kita lepas hal-hal yang terlihat berharga.

Oh ya, dengan kita letting go sesuatu yang nggak buat kita, sebenarnya kita lagi memberkati orang lain. Pernah denger, “One man’s junk is other man’s treasure?” Mungkin ex kita akan lebih bahagia dengan orang lain. Mungkin posisi pekerjaan atau pelayanan kita akan lebih produktif dengan keberadaan orang lain di sana, dan bukan kita.

OK, sekarang jadi penasaran, apa ukurannya untuk let go of something?

Ukurannya cuma bisa digambarin dengan satu kata. PASSION. Kerja tanpa passion, means nothing. Pelayanan tanpa passion, means nothing. Pacaran tanpa passion, means nothing. Why should we keep nothing?

When the passion is no longer there, you need to question yourself. Is it time to let go?

Oh yeah, I don’t write things that I don’t believe in. So take a good guess on what I’m saying good bye to.. very soon

Cerita ini dimulai dari siaran Drive n Jive tadi sore bersama Iwet Ramadhan, ketika dia membuat satu pernyataan yang cukup tajam (well, he always does that every now and then, hahaha).

“Ras, kalau gw liat-liat ya, channels elo tuh banyak banget. Kenalan lo di mana-mana, jauh lebih banyak dari perempuan-perempuan pada umumnya. Kalo lo masih single sampe sekarang, itu lucu lho.”

I said to him (on air), it’s simply because I know what I’m looking for. Masalahnya begini (ini juga yang gw pelajarin belakangan ini), seberapa sering kita merasa kita tahu apa yang kita mau, ternyata hal tersebut bukan apa yang kita perlu.

Sama kayak milih iPhone atau BlackBerry deh. Kalo mikirin looks dan berpegang teguh sama tipe, gw akan dengan mudah membeli iPhone karena hampir semua gadget yang gw pakai, punya label Apple dan gw cinta mati sama tampilan produk Apple. But I chose BlackBerry, and I think that was one of the best decisions I have ever made in life (seriously, I haven’t really made too many great decisions in life ).

Secara fungsi, BlackBerry itu bener-bener JUST RIGHT untuk gw. Buat orang lain mungkin iPhone lebih cocok. Nggak masalah.

Sama seperti nyari pasangan hidup (No, I’m not trying to compare human beings to communication tools, but I really couldn’t find a better example), terkadang kita punya list kriteria yang sebegitu panjangnya, padahal ketika ketemu orang yang seperti itu, ‘fungsi’ yang kita harapkan nggak ada! Kalau handphone sih enak, bisa dijual, tuker tambah, atau buang. Kalau wujudnya manusia yang sudah dinikahin, apa kabar tuh?

Salah satu quote yang gw suka bilang begini, “Be careful with what you wish for.” Hati-hati kalau pengen sesuatu. Mau pasangan yang cakep, kaya, lucu, badan keren, pinter, jago dandan, speaks english well, bisa nyambung sama orang baru, and the list goes on. Yakin mau sama yang segitu sempurnanya? Biasanya tipe yang seperti itu, orangnya suka eksistensi. Banyak temen, disukain sama semua orang, termasuk mungkin ditaksir sama banyak orang lain. Nggak takut cemburu?

Ringga Ardianto pernah bilang ke gw, “Nyari pasangan itu kayak lo belanja baju. Bukan badan lo yang dipaksain pas, tapi bajunya yang nyesuain sama badan lo.” Suka banget lho gw sama apa yang dia bilang. Intinya, jangan maksain badan kita. Berapa sering sih kita ngeliat orang yang kelihatan aneh karena pake baju yang ‘dipaksain’ untuk ‘masuk’ sama badannya? Akhirnya juga jadi nggak comfortable, kelihatan aneh, dan agak terlihat maksa. Pernah ngelihat pasangan yang model kayak gitu? Ganggu di mata? Gw sih sering banget

Intinya sih, balik ke fungsi. Apa sih fungsi pasangan di hidup lo? Untuk diajak tuker pikiran? Untuk dipamerin sama orang-orang? Untuk nemenin elo ngeraih impian bareng? Saran gw, kalau belum menemukan orang yang benar-benar punya ‘fungsi’ yang elo cari, nggak usah maksain badan. Kalau memang belum waktunya pacaran, ya nikmatin aja hidup single

I know and I believe, I will find my ‘BlackBerry*’ one day. He will be this person I can easily talk to, laugh with, and running the race of life together. There are so much in store that we will accomplish together as one team. I pray that the exact kind will also be given to you.

*(Oh yeah, when I use the term ‘BlackBerry’, that doesn’t mean he has to have one. But if he does, then it’s OK too. LOL.)

I’m no expert on photography, tapi gw tau kalo pas kita motret dan nyoba FOKUS ke satu titik, area lain di lensa jadi BLUR. Kalo nggak salah itu istilahnya depth of field deh (maaf kalo salah, pelajaran photography cuma dapet di first year waktu kuliah :-p).

Banyak area tentang kata FOKUS yang seru banget untuk dibahas, tapi gw rasa, fakta yang paling menarik, ya itu tadi. Gimana ketika kita FOKUS sama satu hal, tiba-tiba yang lain jadi BLUR.

Jadi kebayang kan, kalo yang kita FOKUSIN itu hal yang salah, bisa jadi justru hal yang baik yang BLUR di mata kita. Oh no!

Kejadian bener nih di kehidupan gw belakangan ini. Kayanya gw terlalu FOKUS sama satu hal (agak lebai), dan ketika gw memutuskan untuk move on, tiba-tiba area yang selama ini BLUR, jadi mulai terlihat jelas. And yeah, lots of surprises :-p

Memang bagus kok kata FOKUS itu. Tapi make sure dulu ya, hal yang kita FOKUSin itu memang hal yang worth all the troubles, the effort, the waiting, etc. Jangan sampe… sekali lagi, JANGAN SAMPE, hal yang BLUR di mata kita itu justru hal yang sangat berharga.

They’ve been there all along, but somehow we always managed to miss them, because we were too FOCUSED on the things that weren’t meant for us.

Boleh cerita ya? Boleh dong, ini kan note gw. Mau nggak dikasih ijin juga, akan tetep gw tulis. Hihihihi.

Mau sharing satu kalimat emas dari seorang teman. Kalimat itu mengubah cara gw siaran 180 derajat. It came from a person named Pandji Pragiwaksono.

Jadi waktu itu gw lagi siaran Drive n Jive bareng Ringga Ardianto, it was my first time siaran prime time bareng seseorang yang (juga) bukan penjaga gawang asli (dengan kata lain, kita berdua sama-sama masih belajar hehehe), dan saat itu gw tau banget kalo I was kind of not being myself. Ya eya lah, kayaknya semua manusia normal yang baru dua kali siaran prime time, pasti ngalamin hal kayak gini. Kecuali kalo lo cyborg, ada turunan Oprah, atau mungkin sejenius Pandji Pragiwaksono atau Iwet Ramadhan. Well, I’m sure they also had this in their early years of broadcasting.

Anyway, back to what I was going to say. Malem itu gw bisa ngerasain kalo badan gw panas dingin, selain karena emang lagi flu, ditambah lagi groginya. I didn’t like my show that night. I hated it. I think it was a mess, even Hard Rockers ngerasain itu, ada beberapa SMS yang cukup SILET yang sempet kebaca sama gw (tenang Mr. Producer, it’s not your fault, gw malah seneng banget bisa baca itu hahaha), cuma yaaaaaa.. namanya belajar profesional, mau dihina kaya apa juga siaran lo, you just gotta keep doing your thing! Kalo di dunia siaran, mood lo bisa kebaca banget dari suara, jadi nggak boleh drop ngebaca hinaan orang, tetep harus kedengeran cerah ceria. Believe me, you would never understand how difficult that is until you really are doing it!

Kebetulan setelah Drive n Jive hari itu adalah show-nya Pandji (Provocative Proactive), so the guy was there during the last couple of minutes I was on air, dan dia juga been listening to Drive n Jive selama perjalanan ke kantor. Saat itu gw beraniin tanya sama dia. “Ji, kasih masukkan dong buat siaran gw, I’m not happy about it,” dan dia cuma kasih satu kalimat yang gw inget sampe detik ini.

“You are too busy pleasing people padahal what you’re really need to do is busy being yourself.”

Slap on my face!

Semenjak malem itu, gw ngeliat ruang siaran jadi beda. Never the same. Mic tempat gw ngomong itu adalah temen gw. Temen yang pengen kenal gw luar dalem, APA ADANYA, bukan gw yang sok asik, sok lucu, sok pinter, sok manis, sok alim, whatever!

They want to know me for who I am. Bego-begonya gw. Kadang culun, kadang bisa pinter dikit. Kadang kalo lagi nakal, keluar gatelnya. Kalo lagi PMS, keluar siletnya. And that what makes relationships! Being the true you, no hidden agendas, just simply being who you are. It’s that simple, yet so hard to do at first.

Two weeks after that night, I came to Pandji and personally thanking him. Nggak kebayang kalo gw harus siaran tanpa ada orang-orang kritis di sekeliling gw, yang secara konstan ngasih masukkan dan dukungan (yaaaaah, kadang-kadang juga berupa hinaan ).

OK, my question to you is this.

What about you in your careers, workplaces, ministries, circle of friends, families, or any kind of relationships..

Are you busy pleasing people, or are you busy being yourself?

Here are the kinds of ‘LOOKS’ that I have been doing in the past months:

1. Look after – TIRING. I’m not a baby sitter, I’m not someone who wants to be caught ‘in the middle’. If anyone needs to get hold of my friends (whoever they are), I expect them to just go straight away to them, and not through me. We are all adults and I can’t be bothered to be involved.

2. Look around – TIRING. The more you rise, the more people will assume about your life. They think you have hidden agendas. They think you changed. They think you aren’t the person you once were. Suddenly ‘having a tummy ache’ means ‘you’re being arrogant’. Sometimes looking around is never enough. People will always expect you to do more. MORE and MORE until you realize that you have nothing left.

3. Look through – TIRING. You know how sometimes we (as human) try so hard to understand one’s heart and end up with NOTHING? The more you care, the more you will get hurt. Face it, there are some people who don’t want to be saved. The more you try to save them, the harder they push you away. Let me give you some tips; breathe in, breathe out, and leave.

4. Look out – TIRING. It’s always good to draw a line, and predict (plan) the future. But sometimes, we need to give some space for supernatural power to take place. A friend of mine ’slapped me on my face’ two days ago by saying the ultimate three words. “Get over it”, as if it will never happen. It may not happen, but it also may.

5. Look on – TIRING. To watch without getting involved. Don’t you feel useless when this thing happens?

*

The good news is, a good friend came up with another kind of LOOK, which could be the solution to all of my problems.

LOOK UP (to the sovereign One).
This one surely brings sanity back in to my head (and heart).

Oh yeah, there is one more solution.

LOOK FORWARD (to 10-15 July 2008).
The ultimate break I’d been meaning to take. I’m just glad that I made the decision to go.

True that. Oh yeah, actually The Bible seconds me.

No matter how much we try to not knowing the truth, in the end, to KNOWING is always better.

Every time a friend came up to me saying, “I rather not know, Ras. It hurts so bad.” I could only say, “Really?”

Think about this, it’s always best to know the truth (even if it hurts like hell), than being left in the dark. Trust me, I was once lived in denials, and that didn’t make the wounds heal quicker. Last time I checked, denials work like viruses; they spread so quickly until there is no more cure.

In the past few days, various truths revealed. I wasn’t even sure if I was ready for them, but you see, I survived. Come to see the real thing, the real being, the real character, the real deal, and I can only be grateful now. No more guessing, no more feeling left out, no more being blinded.

The truth will set you free.

Free to gaze.
Free to embrace.

Free to think.
Free to blink.

Free to cry.
Free to fly.

Free to laugh.
Free to love.

But, hey. I never promised that it’s going to be easy. So if you are seeking for the truth at this very moment, make sure you are all prepared.

For the best, and for the worst.

I’ve been watching the 5th season of nip/tuck, now on 4th disc. Apart from all the annoying, crazy, morbid lives the characters had, there was this, one good lesson I learned from this TV show.

It’s called F A M I L Y…

Yes, Dr. McNamara and Dr. Troy were plastic surgeons whatever, bla bla bla, but the most intriguing part of the show is how their families were so messed up and I always had this ‘dark’ feeling about the kind of relationships that’s been going on

Anyway, it reminded me on how family really plays part in our lives. Think about it, every one of us has weird habits or traits. Most likely it was built during our childhood, how your parents raised you, what kind of values your family has, etc.

Think about the one thing that’s in your life right now, and try to think about how you’ve been raised. There must be connections between them! Do you crave for love too much? Are you possessive? Are you afraid of commitments? Do you forgive easily? Do you get emotional so quick?

The one thing that I had always been lacking of is the presence of father figure. I realized about this once I got to know Christianity, before that, all I knew was the fact that I got along so well with guys, and I had plenty of guy friends (some were boyfriends too), which now I understand that it was one of the acts of consolation for not having my dad around during growing up. My dad had always been busy. Even the day I was born, dad only had 5 minutes to hold me in his arms, and he got to catch his flight to Tokyo

Dad was always away on business trips; he had visited every country in the world, as I remember. He woke up before I did, and came home after I slept. Don’t get me wrong; I never hated him for being busy. I know that my two brothers, my sister and I could experience all the privileges (studying overseas, traveling, etc), because of dad’s hard works.

To be honest, my dad and I just started to ‘build’ the father-daughter relationship since I got back from Singapore (not even Perth period), more less starting from three years ago. Kind of too late, but it’s not too late to fix something. Of course, during the ‘reconciliation’ process, we had lots of arguments, fights, and so on. No wonder, I hardly knew him back then.

The thing is this; we really can’t blame anybody for whatever happened in our families that made us who we are today. All we can do now is to try our best to ‘fix’ whatever can, and not to repeat the same mistakes our family did, once we have our own.

(One day, maybe 5 years from now) I KNOW for sure that my kids will always have their dad beside them during growing up. I won’t mind stay at home while my husband take the kids out on play dates or whatever.

Something I never had with dad.

Yeah, I am. In fact, you are too. Think about it, there must be something in life that you are addicted to.

Every one of us is an addict, but we have different addictions from one another. Is it coffee? Shopping? Drugs? Ciggies? A he? A she?

addict |?adikt| noun a person who is addicted to a particular substance, typically an illegal drug • [with adj. ] informal: an enthusiastic devotee of a specified thing or activity.

I have mine which always makes me weak on my knees. Most of the time I really CAN not think about it, but when the tangible object come across me, I suddenly want to faint and feel all of my blood rushes into my brain (agak lebay sih, hahaha).

Can addiction be cured? Sure, but it can also fool you, because the last time I thought it was over, I got it all wrong.

One more thing. Do you know what’s so dangerous about addiction? When you ‘fall’ into the same addiction for the second time, it could be twice as strong, thus if you want to quit, the journey would be twice as hard.

Oh no. I don’t think my current addiction can be cured.

Help!

Yeah, I never thought that the day finally came where I started my very own official website! C’mon, www.larasatisilalahi.com? How cool!

Anyway, I will be blogging a lot of stuff later on, some will be taken from my Facebook notes, but the rest will be fresh and new. Be afraid. Be very afraid. LOL.

Watch this space!